you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
