Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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