How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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