guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
