Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
