i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
