dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
