I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
