I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
