At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
