There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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