you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
