I CAN MOONWALK!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
