in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
