WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Randomize
