she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
