She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
