KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
