Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
