the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
