I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
