just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
