Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
