she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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