I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
