So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
