Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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