Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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