Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize