I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
