in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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