Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
