This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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