The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize