they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
