i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize