i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
