he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
