tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
