Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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