Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you.
Bad choice
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
