found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
