OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
