You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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