Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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