This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
