its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
