im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
