i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize