I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
