I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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