I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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