I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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