3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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