As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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