I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
