She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
