Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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