you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
