It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
