I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
