swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
